So it's gotten to the point where not getting into grad school combined with my shitty job have made it hard to bring the funny on a regular basis. But people are giving me shit! So here's a try.
1) I was calling customers to let them know their orders had arrived at the store to be picked up. One order was for a CD of political parody songs about various Democrats and liberals entitled "We Hate the USA." The customer regaled me with an impromptu version of "Barrack the Magic Negro."
2) A woman asked me for a "pop up book on the Vietnam war." After staring at her in silence for a few dozen awkward seconds I informed her that I did not believe such a thing existed. She then provided evidence that we do indeed have pop up books on other subjects, holding up a pop up book on wizards. She also mentioned a pop up books about "the Greeks." When I wouldn't budge on the fact that a pop up book on 'nam does not and would not exist, she asked if we had a pop up book on war in general.
3) A man came in to pick up a magazine. He had a small amount of vomit on the front of his shirt and his pants were several sizes too big. He was holding them up with one hand. The magazine he bought was entirely about firetrucks and only firetrucks. I maintained eye contact with him during the entirety of the transaction out of a legitimate fear that, at some point, his pants would fall around his ankles and I would inadvertently witness his genitals.