The things that pass the time

One of the things that I sometimes do at work to pass the time is to create rewards cards for increasingly obscure literary characters. Being a simple man, I find nearly infinite amusement in looking up a phone number and seeing my little dummy accounts. Unfortunately we have, within the past few days, stopped using the method by which I was able to create these accounts. I guess I can find other ways to vent my frustration and animosity towards the workplace. Perhaps by the tried and true method of mysterious fires.

Every once in a while I witness something that temporarily breaks my mind. A few days ago I saw a considerably overweight 20-something woman with a sandwich tattoo on her back. I was more or less stuck on this phenomenon for the rest of the week. A slew of scenarios and explanations were constructed:

1) She wanted a tattoo of something meaningful--something she genuinely loved. She's fat, so she loves sandwiches.
2) She has a sense of humor. Which is nice. But what if she loses all that weight? Then she's just a girl with a big sandwich tattooed on her back. I guess it could serve as a conversation piece:
"Why do you have a sandwich tattooed on your back?"
"I used to be fat."
"Oh."
3) She went to the tattoo parlor and requested something typical--like a fairy or a couple of arbitrary Chinese characters. Instead, the tattooist (presumably drunk) tattooed a sandwich because she's fat and he thought it would be funny. After all, it's on her back--how would she ever see it? This would mean that her friends would be well aware of her sandwich tattoo and decided to tell her that it was indeed a pretty little fairy or a fascinating display of cultural awareness that made her seem in line with the Mysterious Orient.
4) She was with a very skinny gentleman. This is kind of a cliche--the overweight girl with the scrawny, nerdy looking guy. I mean it's straight out of every movie that was ever made between 1980 and 1994. Perhaps this skinny gentleman has a fascination with the more corpulent of lady-folk, and perhaps the sandwich tattoo was a fetishistic request on his part.
5) And finally, after I had exhausted any other options: the scrawny guy wanted to gain weight so he asked her to get a sandwich tattoo so that every time he porked her he would get hungry. Ta-dah!

Under Google Image Search for "fat sandwich tattoo."

Clearly I need to speak with a professional. And yes that last one was directly for the cheap seats. They're my bread and butter.