Go Holidays!

In my last post I got a little riled up about politics and blew off a lot of steam, so I feel its necessary for a return to the lighthearted. I haven’t had much to write about as of late, and I really haven’t had the time, so I’m keeping this post short.

This took place right before the holiday ::cough:: Christmas ::cough:: break. The last full day before break each class has a “holiday” party that is kept as secular as possible so not to make any Jews or other groups jealous by reminding them about how big a B.A.M.F. Santa is.

I personally like to consider myself a Druid. Why a Druid? Why the hell not. They worship trees, and shit. And it totally throws off the occasional Jehovah Witness you meet.

Anywaaays…back to the party, so the class mothers come in and throw this nice little party with crafts, food for snacks and we watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” During this party I discovered one of the perks of being an “educator.” Gifts. We’ve all heard the old saying, “it’s better to give than receive.” WRONG. Getting stuff is awesome. I made out like a bandit. Gift cards and certificates galore, I don’t think I will ever have to buy anything from Starbucks again, not that I ever bought something from there before, but still.

The day was winding down and the kids were waiting for their buses to be called when one of the little girls in the class, I, walked up to me.

I: Mr. R., happy holidays, sir.

Mr. R: Why thank you very much I, and happy holidays to you too.

I: Can I ask you a question?

Mr. R: Sure, what is it?

I: Are you Jewish?

Mr. R: Um…no, I’m not. Why do you ask?

I: You just look Jewish.

These are the comments that make working with kids worthwhile.


And then someone tossed their biscuits in the bathroom...

Universe...you've done it again.

Wow. So apparently the universe is slowly but surely starting to hate me. Awesome! Well, universe...go fuck yourself.

We here at the Sports Quiz Media Empire have created a freeze ray that will cease the malicious doings of said universe. The downside is that it will also kill us all.

Price you pay I guess...sorry kids.

Ringing in a New Year

DRock here again. Hahahahahaha! I'm back. I think you cats can tell that I really like this whole blog thing. Keeps my mouth off of people's ears and on their eyes instead, I guess. I want to talk about the holiday known as New Years. Or as I like to call it "I make promises that I don't keep and get stupid drunk in a pool of my own misery and disappointment while filled with false hope of a better year than last." Damn, I'm a joyous person eh?

' Like gettin' raped in the face.

AnyCindyLouWho...I personally think New Year's is a good idea. We reflect upon the past 12 months. We think about the future, and even enjoy celebrating in the present. It's probably the only time of year that the American collective consciousness is consistently alive and well in what has been, what is, and what may be. So cheers to that!

As far as my own plans go for kissing 2008 goodbye, I'm not sure yet. One thing's for sure though...I'm not kissing it goodbye...

I'M KICKING ITS WHORISH SLUT MOTHER BITCH CRAP ON YOUR DAY CRAP ON MY DAY INSULT YO MAMMA ONE IN THE STINK LOHENGREN CMON SHOW I DON'T CARE SO SCREW YOU SHAVED POSSE MEMBER YEAH FUCKED BY A TRANNY FUCKED BY YOUR DEAD RELATIVES WHILE RIDING A PINK HORSE AND WEARING A PINK BUNNY SUIT ERGO PINK NIGHTMARE SUCK ON A STICK O' DYNAMITE MY WIFE LEFT ME MY DOG LEFT ME MY OWN DICK LEFT ME FOR CHRIST'S SAKE EVEN MY FAVORITE PAIR OF SOCKS LEFT ME donkeycheese DONKEY PUNCHIN ASS GOODBYE!!!!!!

*hehe*

Yeaaaaah...it's been a shit year. So I guess I'm one of the false hope fools who longs for 2009 to have a shred of something better. We. Shall. See.

What do you all have in mind for this beloved and despised time of year? Please, comment and share. Let's all get crazy.beautiful.sexy.baby.buttsex.nutso on this one eh? Let's get it together. Meeting of the minds. HELL!!!!! LET'S MAKE IT A SPORTS QUIZ NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

We'll get all of our old guests together at Tinks in Scranton and reallllllly party it on down! Just think of it, Bill Cosby chastising everyone for drinking alcoholic beverages. Kermit the Frog committing racial crimes!! Chris Walken humping a barstool, mistaking it for a fine piece of ACE! Father P jerking off onstage!!! The list goes on and on and on.....and on............on...........

I mean it. Let's do it. Because if we don't, I'm just gonna have to settle for a threesome with Canada and Tyler, and although that's fun, we've pretty much exhausted our creativity in that arena already. (Unless someone's got a Crocodile we can borrow, and a can of powdered organic south African bee honey.)

Don't let me down peeps.

syug ih

hi guys

The Return of....D-Roooooooccccccckkkkkk

HIIIIII!!!!!!!! Welcome welcome one and all to my little party. My pants party. My party in the pants! After a long time of failing to acknowledge my email, I've joined Mr. Jackson and Mr. Tyler in the rekindling of an old wives tale. The Sports a Quiz. Now, this trifecta of genius can continue in this new format. For those that might have known our lovely little radio show, and for those who didn't, I want to clarify the truth of where we ended up one fateful evening that led to our temporary demise. A little story about a dentist, or something like that, who used his TEETH to pull off the THONG of the woman he was having SEXUAL RELATIONS with in a PUBLIC BATHROOM. And of course, THE 5 YEAR OLD KID WHO JOINED IN ON THE FUN!!!!!!!!! ; )

Now, I do believe it's true that we can say whatever the FUCKING JESUS WASN'T REAL hell we want to on this lovely little Blog. I really should check my notes though, Uncle Sam is everywhere. Afterall, he was just arrested for gettin down to kiddie porn the other day, but all charges were wiped. Don't tell anyone because he's really embarrased...kinda.

And Here.....We......GO!!

A Christmas Message from your Uncle Jackson

Merry Christmas, you little scamps! May you and yours have a lovely time worshiping, ignoring, or denying the existence of the deity or deities of your choice. Personally, my family and I spend the holidays remembering that thousands of years ago a child was born who would grow up to be tortured to death to save us all from some kind of especially nasty metaphysical pigwidget. We do this by giving each other scarves and eating cookies, and occasionally going to a movie none of us really want to see. This is called Catholicism, and it is weird. No one really gets it the first go-round, but fortunately we have an eternity of either damnation or stagnation to think about it after the fact. I subscribe to a service called agnosticism, which means I rightly don't give a shit about the large-bearded-man-in-the-sky and would rather watch disturbing and violent pornography anyway.

As most of you are aware, our friend and colleague Tyler hiked up his grumpy pants recently and clattered out a special Christmas tirade railing against nearly everyone. I would like to take this moment here to let our readers know that Sports Quiz Radio covers all kinds of political ideas--and while Tyler more often represents the Center-With-Mild-Right-Flavorings, I want to assure you that I am here to represent the far left with positions such as mandatory man-marriages and beating unwanted babies to death with socks full of nickel rolls. And, while we're outing our habits, I voted for Barack Obama, may peace be upon him. And I also must agree with Tyler that my fellow supporters of Obama tended to be more annoying. But that's mostly because I hate hipsters in general and that Venn diagram had a hell of a lot of overlap. Just like "McCain Supporters" and "People Who Cannot Read."

But this post is not about politics. It is about Christmas--which is a completely a-political time of year. This year my scattered immediate family collected in Scranton and drove down to my grandmother's house in New Jersey. Somehow my father had procured an audio copy of the only mystery ever written by Abraham Lincoln, and we listened to it on the way there. It was disturbingly awful. It was based on a case in which Lincoln was the defense attorney, and it shows that Lincoln was actually quite bad at his job. His clients managed to get off mostly on sheer luck, and he was never able to offer an explanation of whatever happened--even for the fictionalized story. Most mysteries have some kind of ending, perhaps in which the strangeness of the whole story (the "mystery") gets unraveled and explained (the "solution"). But Lincoln ended his story with what was basically "Well that was all quite a strange occurrence, wasn't it? Too bad we never figured out what the hell happened there. Might have made a good story." Perhaps one day he took off his lawyer-ing hat and put down his mystery writer-ing pen and said to his beastly wife, "Mary, I can't write worth a shit and I'm the worst lawyer in the world, so I might as well give up now and become the President of the United States and free an entire race of people from centuries of institutionalized inhumanity." It is unsettling to see an amazing specimen of human capacity fail spectacularly at something. It was like watching Thomas Jefferson inadvertently fly a hot air balloon directly into the waiting jaws of a crocodile, all the while screaming incoherently and helplessly. Or like watching To Kill a Mockingbird with all the reverent children and black people edited out. Or it's like neither of those things, because they are silly.

Remember, kids, on this most holiest of days, that even a middle-aged Jew with good prospects can fuck it all up.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Fair and Balanced

Let me start this entry off with a warning. My grumpy pants are most definitely on and pulled way up.

Over the past six or so months I have found myself increasingly apathetic about the news. This is an extremely dishearteningly trend for me especially since I almost became a political science major in college. At one point in my college career I could name every Supreme Court Justice from right to left, who appointed them, their religion, and one of the major cases they decided on. Since then I have avoided watching those cable “news” channels and reading much on the Internet. My last safe haven was the newspaper, and even that has been assailed by sensationalism and loss of objectivity. I find it increasingly hard to find truly unbiased news articles. I want to hear both sides of the story; I want to hear all the facts. I don’t want someone telling me what I should think or someone giving me their opinion. I want to come to these conclusions myself.

That is at the heart at my growing apathy towards much of the news. It is no longer news; it is sensationalism with no objectivity. This fact seemed to have become unbearably clear in the months leading up the election. My apathy often teetered on anger especially when I did read certain articles or more often when I spoke to people about the election, who often spoke with total conviction when they lacked any true understanding of the issue.

Unfortunately, the majority of these people seem to be supports of Obama. Too often it seemed people who supported him, and in turn, voted for him only understand two things in his entire campaign, “Hope” and “Change.” The have come to the conclusion that Obama can magically wave a wand and fix every ill in this country. Stop the war in Iraq? Done. Tax the rich more? Done. Save jobs? Done. Stop those evil Republicans? Done. Lower Gas Prices? Done.

It got to the point where it seemed that voting for Obama was not a political decision, but a decision made on what is hip and cool. Wearing your Obama pin around before and after the election was the latest fashion statement, not a political one. People blindly associated Republican evils with John McCain simply because he was one. Some of which he deserved and some that he did not. I found myself avoiding political discussions all together since I knew it would be less about politics and more about “how fat McCain’s fingers were." I did notice an overwhelming number of “election night parties” being held. Seriously? Is that what is fun now?

“Hey guys, let’s all meet at my place and watch CNN. That hunky Wolf Blitzer is going to me on, he gets me all hot and bothered.” Come on people.

“Hey guys! It’s a hologram! Just like in Star Wars!” Did someone say sensationalism?

“I wonder what type of dog Obama will get?” Did someone say loss of objectivity?

Now that the election is over I thought I would be spared all the crazy political hoopla. Wrong. I am now being barraged with TV ads trying to sell be “collectable” Obama victory plates and coins. It is a sad day when Montel Williams is doing commercials for coins with Obama on them. What happened Montel? Did you run out of “Who’s the Daddy?” candidates for your show? WHO THE FUCK BUYS THIS CRAP?

“Honey, can we get us that nice plate with Obama on it? It would look swell next to grandma’s urn.”

The realistic truth is that Obama will lucky to do the things he promised in his campaign. This is not to belittle Obama, but to highlight the fact that he works in politics, where deals are made and broken in the shadows, and everyone’s soul is for sale. The majority of this post focused on Obama supporters and how they “irked” me, but that is not to say that all of McCain’s supporters were leveled headed and fully informed. I’m sure we have all seen the Youtube video of that crazy old bat calling Obama a Muslim. Both sides are equally guilty of everything spoken about in this post, I only happened to encounter more Obama supporters than McCain supporters, probably due to my geographic location (The Northeast).

I’m sure I’ve ruffled some feathers in writing this post, and I’ll even throw it out there, I voted for McCain. I still really like Obama, I hope he does change things. God knows they need to be changed. I think he will be a great president and wish him the best. I’m just going to be realistic about it.


I just want to know if they're going to paint the White House now.